Practice Humility

Keeping in mind that humility is a key element of afternoon tea, do not arrive with a large pizza or a full-sized layer cake announcing that this burnt almond cake is the best and everybody has to try it. Can you see that this feigned act of generosity really just draws attention to yourself? It is also disruptive to the host who has already planned the menu, including both savory and sweet foods. He is not prepared to serve large wedges of pizza and layer cake to his guests. Finally, do not sabotage the party’s purpose and theme by showing up with a Halloween related gift. This is a mid-October Italian tea party, not a Halloween party. Similarly, it would be inappropriate to arrive at a Japanese New Year’s tea in your favorite team’s football jersey and try to turn the event into a Super Bowl party.

A more subtle distinction is to perceive the difference between afternoon tea and a dinner party. Afternoon tea entails sharing small bites of food and tea in “sacred space,” focusing with gratitude on the beauty of nature and the gift of community. A dinner party may encompass some of these same elements, but it will also include a full meal served at a dining table. The customary gift of a bottle of wine for a dinner party host would not be appropriate for afternoon tea. Obviously, the primary beverage at afternoon tea is tea. The host could choose to offer a cordial along with the tea, but if anything alcoholic is served at a tea party, it is in very small portions, and other beverages are always available. No one ever has the opportunity to get drunk at a tea party, enhancing the sense of trust among all the participants.